Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
