He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm gonna fight the coyote
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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