Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
