New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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