I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
