You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
