If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
