When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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