I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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