hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
