dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
