Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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