I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
