you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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