Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
