Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
