i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
