You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
