i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
