my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
