First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
