wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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