thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
