Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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