i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
