I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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