I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
