My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
