Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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