the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
