My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have feelings that need drinking.
sex in a hospital.. check
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
