he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
