your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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