I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
