every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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