no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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