Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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