Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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