I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Did I show you my penis last night?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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