for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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