The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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