My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
