remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize