jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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