Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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