I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
