and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
