Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
