I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
