so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
