You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
