i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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