she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
