she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
