okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
