ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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