she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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