OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
