New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize