UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize