he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
