people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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