Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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