i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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