I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
