Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what day is it and did you see me today?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
