I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
