omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
