do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
