She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
