I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't deserve a penis
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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