I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
