Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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