3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
