I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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