I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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