I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
