I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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