I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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