drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
