I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
