I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
