Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
