i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
