He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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