i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
