those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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