his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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