Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
