so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Houston, we have a blender
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize