whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
