Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
