Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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