There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I faked an abortion last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
