The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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