Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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