is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
