Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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