Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
